June 17, 2010

World Cup 2010 for Dummies - Part XIII - Ode to American Fans

We don't have it easy: Americans who love soccer, or as it's more commonly known everywhere but inside the United States: football. So, its basically 6 billion people against 300 million people. A bit of a discrepancy.

See, and there's the problem right there: what the hell does soccer even mean? The game of football is about a ball and a whole bunch of feet running after it. Like a famous African player said: Football is the reason we have feet. *

I reckon if you re-name soccer to football inside the States, viewing rates would go way up. Firstly, people would be, like, totally confused and think they're going to get the Dallas Cowboys v the 49'ers. Soon enough they'd catch on though and come to love it as much as us die hard fans and Euro trashed ex-pat Americans do.

American Football Needs a New Name

I would like to shake the columns of power and start a facebook page with the intent of re-naming American Football to something else. The ball is touched by human feet, like, 4 times during a 3 hour game. It's ludicrous. And the ball: it's not even a ball. It looks like a horny loaf of bread. If anything, American Football resembles Rugby more than it does football. Armour Rugby or something seems much more logical.

Until that day comes, we'll have to make do with soccer and explain to our friends abroad, why Americans can't seem to get the hang of football. 'Cause its seriously awesome.


* Pierre Kalala, Congo said that.

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