June 16, 2010

World Cup 2010 for Dummies - Part XII - Re-Name the Ball

The ball's official name is Jabulani. Nobody cares. And we all now know what a vuvuzela is.

Round two begins. A quick re-cap of what has happened so far and I'll start with the worst news first: Spain gets bitch-slapped by Heidi.

Group A:
South Africa - Mexico: 1-1. South Africa scored the first goal of this World Cup. That was nice. I still expect Mexico to advance.
Uruguay - France: 0-0. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. hello? France? Anybody home?

Group B:
South Korea - Greece: 2 - 0. I knew it. Those South Koreans are pretty damn good. And Otto Rehhagel is going to be sent back home to Germany. Yet another setback to Greek-German relations.
Argentina - Nigeria: 1 - 0. Another snoozer. Fat boy Maradona entertainment only goes so far.

Group C:
England - USA: 1 - 1. US goalie Tim Howard is awesome. Steven Gerrard scored for England. And Wayne Rooney didn't hit balls.
Algeria - Slovenia: 0 - 1. Um. The Olympic Spirit applies to Algeria.

Group D:
Ghana - Serbia: 1 - 0. Yawn. But I predicted the correct result. My ranking skyrocketed. Sort of.
Germany - Australia: 4 - 0. The best game so far. Except I started to feel sorry for the Aussies toward the end. Germany is the only team belonging to the Illuminati that put on a convincing performance.

Group E:
Cameroon - Japan: 0 - 1: The Japanese dress cool, have cool gadgets and can play ball.
Netherlands - Denmark: 2 - 0: The Danes helped the Dutch to a double dutch. If both teams were competing in a beauty contest, the Dutch would lose.

Group F:
Italy - Paraguay: 1 - 1: At least the Italians didn't lose and underscoring my theory that the good teams are slow to start and the rotten teams are better than expected.
New Zealand - Slovakia: 1 - 1. Another draw in this group. Well done Lord of the Rings.

Group E:
Ivory Coast - Portugal: 0 - 0. I really hate nil nil games. Especially when it involves top teams. Boring.
Brazil - North Korea: 2 - 1: The North Korean team reminded me of those giant ants that chomped their way through the bad guys in the last Indiana Jones.

Group H:
Honduras - Chile: 0 - 1: Decent game. My East/West South American divide theory obviously has sprung a leak.
Spain - Switzerland: 0 - 1: whiskeytangofoxtrot. The absolute top favorites of this tournament lose to Heidiland? Even the English ref, adding five minutes of injury time, couldn't force an equalizer. Disgraceful.


fabian_Szymanek said...

that is one of the most awesome roundups of a World Cup i've ever read :-) soooo hilarious and yet so true...

Jm Diaz said...

This was awesome!!

Tatiana Lensky said...

thank you thank you thank you. ; )

Joel said...

I'd say that about sums it up! re: Spain's extra 5 (5! WTF?) minutes, my favorite bit was the "Okay, time's up. Just one more corner kick, and then we're really, really not going to give you any more chances to pull out the draw..."

Anonymous said...

absolute fabulous!! Love your comments - and I better have a closer look at the guys of Denmark *grr*


Tatiana Lensky said...

Denmark plays Cameroon Saturday night 8.30.