May 8, 2010

Iron Man 2 be used as an anchor for the Titanic or somewhere there abouts

Tony Stark is the it-guy-super-gadgety hero gone global. World peace with high end entertainment value therefore rock star status guaranteed, Vegas Style. So lots of sexy showgirls embroider the opening show.

Since there has to be some sort of 'ominous', Mr. glib deadpan Robert Downey Jr. Stark's blood levels are increasing in toxicity by the day and weird colored veins are spreading away from his nuclear powered fuel source heart thingy. The fact that he gives away his modern art collection and hands over the reins of running Stark Industries to Peppermint Patty - no - its Pepper Potts Paltrow, should give us a clue that all is not well in the Starky Stark world.

Frankly, we don't give a damn.

An array of well-knowns, we've got Don Cheadle as the partner in crime i.e. ally on the military side. We've got Sen. Stern played by Garry Shandling ( Sen Grassley mixed in with a McCain marverickyness), the token DC tosser. The afore-mentioned ebullient eternally badly blonde be-wigged Gywneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts does her best to chew whats she's given. It's not much and akin to putting a cow out to pasture without the pasture. To be fair, she gives it a go. She just ends up regurgitating.

Samual L. Jackson gives a token appearance with a patch. An eye patch. A bit of pirate, a bit of somebody, no clue who he was supposed to be. Some super-secret-undercover-op financed by the government? Although judging by his dress code, I'd guess he's of more an independent. The matrix-long flowing coat went well with the mini frisbee covering his eye.

And how can one forget Scarlett Johansson. As Jackson's sidekick or rather who kicks the sides and butts of various drone creature robots (via horribly awful special effects),  her day job gave the stylists a chance to trot out the sexy secretary tight skirts and tailored shirts. Naturally, a slick superhero suit and n'er a bad hair day to be seen. Scarlett as the levitating cherry

Damn, Mickey Rourke is in it too. He's the villain. Has about seven lines. Like "This is not my bird" and "You're done" Gives you an idea of the scope of the dialogue. Consistent drudge throughout the entire movie. Not even Robert Downey Jr. could do much to inflate wit into this lifeboat. And the idea that Tony Stark's downward spiral and miraculous recovery can/should be seen as some sort of allegory based on Downey's personal life is a bunch of bullocks and giving the film more credit than it deserves.

The scientific hyperbole throughout is boring. And the Da Vinci codeseque soul searching for Tony Stark toward the cataclysmic showdown at the end is just sad. A kiss for Paltrow and RDJ at the very end.  Their on-screen chemistry comparable to tepid water and a soggy re-used tea bag. There you go.

Iron Man one two, hook, line and sunk to the dismal depths of awfulness. I wonder what the 6-year-old kids, behind me, constantly kicking my seat, thought of it? I didn't get mad at them for the incessant thumping cause I thought: poor buggers. They must be bored out of their skulls. What the hell was their father thinking? Sandy wasn't as understanding. She told them to knock it off.

Responsible for this mess: director Jon Favreau who gave himself a role as Happy Hogan and Justin Theroux, the petrified forest pretending to be a writer.

poster courtesty of

No comments: