April 6, 2010

This is it......

Right - I am officially a fat fuck. Still! I was a fat fuck after Christmas, when I overdosed on chocolates. Meanwhile, its post-Easter, and I managed to devour a whole chocolate Easter bunny at 12.30AM.

Status on red alert. Drastic measures are called for. Stiff upper lip, dragon lady demeanor, drill sergeant personality, achieve goal any which way, I am going to embark on the Lemon diet aka the Maple syrup diet aka known as the diet Beyonce went on aka this is going to suck big time and is gonna be really really hard.

Can't be helped. My goal is: 10 days (did I really just say that?) on coffee (yeah, I know thats not allowed, but if I have to forsake coffee, I might as well shoot myself ) tea, water, and that maple syrup mixture* (two tablespoons of some mega organic naturally expensive maple syrup, fresh lemon juice, a sprinkle of cayenne pepper mixed into a large glass of water to be consumed 6-9 times a day)

Sounds just.........great. I figure this is the only way to go as I have reached a point where fast weight loss is crucial otherwise I shall be eternally crabby. And just freak out. In fact, I already am crabby and freaking out. Mood improvement will increase as weight decreases.

Why so drastic? Why just eating less or simply cutting out the chocolate? Just because. (ok: because it bloody did not work. So I figure just forsaking anything to chew on will hopefully make me forget food for a while.)

And I am writing this not to inspire anyone else to do this cause its basically retarded but as a crutch to get me through this. I am impossibly weak-willed when it comes to food after 8PM. In fact, I think I may belong to that strange breed of creatures I'll name food vampires. Not eating during the day is perfectly fine, its at night when I get all my cravings. Not good......obviously.

Its got to be done. I will keep myself posted on my progress.

PS the lemons look so appetizing.....good enough.....to.....eat.....?

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