March 16, 2010

Salon Ghouls

What do you do with a pile of shit in the form of a Sunday night movie called Bride Wars, when nothing else is on? Me, I watch it. My excuse of streaming these spiked pixels into my brain? Must be able to slag off something based on first-hand expert eye witness sources. My impeccable taste and the fact that I'm always right when it comes to movies.

So, Bride Wars. Starring Kate "Whats up with the really bad wigs?" Hudson and the go-to-girl for somewhat more elegant fluff, Anne Hathaway. Candice Bergen seems to have corned the market on all things uber scale bridal advisory bitch. Ho hum.

Now, honestly, please, come forward if you are one of those women who dreamed (as a little naive girl) of walking down the isle and subscribed to all things bridal. And still do. I can't believe women are that delusional. Anyways, if you are, then knock yourself out. I wish you all well. To quote "The Hangover" Phil: it's not gonna happen.

This movie is an insult to anyone who chooses to watch. Exponentially so as it is excruciating, nauseating, unfunny and stupid. There is not one redeeming second. Not one. That's a feat. Beginning to end it was maximum crapness. Do I need to continue?

Bride Wars is definitely one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Which takes me to the next fight I have to pick: how the hell can a screenplay, in this case, written by Greg DePaul and Casey Wilson , ever get greenlighted? And financed? Were all involved tripping on cake frosting? If these names come up along with the director of incompetence himself, Gary Winick, my suggestion is this: run, don't walk, to the nearest bar.

Thats all.

NB: someone wrote a review with the caption: Spoiler Alert. Um, spoiler alert? Really? This movie should come with the caption: don't bother watching this because it totally sucks and is more predictable than the outcome of an evening of binge drinking, the latter being inherently more entertaining.

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