January 4, 2010

The plight of a chocoholic

Now, ok, I belong to the FAT FUCK club. I gained 3 kilos during the Christmas holidays. Thats on top of the 2 kilos I wanted to lose during the holidays (fat chance - no pun intended) Last year I managed to lose weight, so what shouldn't it work again this year? Well, obviously it didn't. Work.

Doubly difficult when my dad buys like 10 boxes of chocolates, the only similarity between the white, dark, milk and nougat chocolate is their calorie content. Minimum of 500 calories (per piece) seemed to be the only criteria. Add to that my birthday cake, which I consumed over three days, usually between midnight and 4AM. (I am a food vampire - I eat only at night, weird, I know) And the obligatory turkey dinner on Christmas day (with the best stuffing ever )

Right. Enough of lamentations. My plan: lose 5 kilos asap. Before the fat settles. A friend recommended Gywnnie's Goop Detox. Thats Gywneth Paltrow.

".......... there can be no dairy, grains with gluten, meat, shellfish, anything processed (including all soy products), fatty nuts, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar and obviously no alcohol, caffeine or soda."

Um. no. Seriously, no soy products??? Why the hell not? "obviously no alcohol, caffeine or soda" Fuck that. I cannot live without coffee. And I won't. So here's my detox with some elements nicked off this newsletter.

7AM room temperature water (I can do that) with lemon juice
9AM green tea (yep)
10.30 AM decaf venti soy latte (no sugar, just cinnamon, its supposed to kick the metabolism)
1.30 PM decaf venti soy latte
4PM an innocent smoothie (I do not have time to make my own shakes because I do no employ a personal chef nor housekeeper who does the shopping, like Ms. Paltrow)
when I get home: salad. Piece of whole grain bread. Blueberries and some nuts.
Midnight: two tablespoons of olive oil. Now if that doesn't ruin your appetite, nothing will. And its worked. Well, it did last night. I managed to get through the whole night without eating a single cookie crumb. And all the chocolate is gone or locked away somewhere.

Yep. Thats the plan. Exercise? Sure. Running two to three times a week. But only if its above zero degrees. No point in getting frost bite.

Yep, thats my own personalized detox plan. The Goop detox isn't bad. But honestly, I don't have the time to shop nor to make the receipes.

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