January 25, 2009

weekly trailer multiple-liner reviews: episode three

























Its Sunday - politics taking a rest even though Obama doesn´t seem to be. But well, he´s the new superhero - the rest of us mortals need some inane fare to rejuvenate.

So heres another installment of my weekly seen-only-the-trailer reviews. Its kind of a pre emptive attempt to weed out the bad from the awful.

Watchmen
In a nutshell: a cross between 300 and a low-tech porn flic. The latest Zack Synder offering. I am sure its got the comic geeks knawing at it like a rubber bone. I have no clue about this, never heard of it before. Sure thats blasphemy for all graphic novel vigilantes. What the trailer leaves with me is this: visually stunning in a Dark Knight-esque type of way with some amazingly terrifically awful superhero costumes and wigs. Especially the chick. Looks like she bought her gear at a yard sale of a former employee of "Plastic and things".

Hotel for Dogs
No. I mean, one doesn´t even have to look at the trailer to know its a receipe for chocolate cake with no chocolate. Wait, thats a bad analogy. There are dogs in this movie and they live in a hotel (so chocolate in the chocolate cake) Ok - heres a better analogy: You order a cheese burrito. But there is dead mouse in there. And the dead mouse is dead and you are not amused that there is a dead mouse in your cheese burrito. Unless you are 8. And/or a dog lover. So dog lovers - go for it. If you enjoy supersize menus you just might enjoy this combo of Inspector Gagdet opens a dog hotel with Secret Agent Cody Banks as the concierge. Overkill on the blatant obvious cheap tricks, overkill on the 3D gadgets. (yeah, I did watch the trailer - I figure it´d be a dis-service to all my faithful followers - especially the dog lovers amongst you......Sandy.....Carmi....)

Bride Wars
Candice Bergen.......again? ? And since it always seems to be a reprisal of each previous movie, its like one long episode titled "Murphy Brown Without a Pension Plan". Oh, and Kate Hudson is wearing a wig - again - in this one. So, red alert: bridal bailout imminent.

The Proposal
Yet another "you-know-whats-going-to-happen" amongst the avalanche of predictables coming our way. Or, if you want genre talk - also goes under the term "romance-with-hinderances" flicks. Oh dear. Stars Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Now, since the Golden Globes, I should - if I had any integrity - boycott any SB movie since she showed a disappointing lack of humor in regards to Sascha Baron Cohen´s remarks on Madonna. But well, its a jungle out there. And there ain´t alot to choose from. Trailer is funny and hits more sharp notes than flat ones. It sings off the screen in a kind of falsetto way.........beyond normal vocal range, just shy of grating. So I´ll give it a "go see"

He´s just not that into you
I read the book. Or well, kind of paged through it. Dull writing really. I mean, like struggling to maintain consciousness type of dull. The trailer:
yeah, well. Jennifer Aniston along with Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connolly, Ben Afleck and some "actors to watch out for" as Vanity Fair propagates them. So, due to the Aniston extreme prejudice effect - spontaneously, I´d say no. And I don´t need any more advice. Although to be perfectly honest, seems like trashable fare. And the urge to put a hyped movie in its proper perspective - mine - might prove too tempting. So, a maybe possibly probably.

I love you, Man
Um, plot is: guy&girl to get married. Guy realizes he has no best man friend to be best man because he has consistently been in tune to his inner feminine self ie connected more with "girl" friends therefore entire movie spent on guy finding his "man". With all the usual beer and air guitar excesses. Um.........no.
(how come all these movies with bridal themes? Is it the ever spreading influence of the moral minority? Or is it a last ditch effort by all bridal industry suppliers to bypass chapter 11? To avoid any more films like Bride Wars, I´d suggest filling in the application form...........now. You know, that government bailout program for all incompetents.)

Medicine for Melancholy
ok - the title is so bad , already evoking suicidal thoughts. So, no. Besides, its Wyatt Cenac going serious. And its black and white and its grainy and no music and just looks depressing. I know, independent features need all our support. But honestly, they have to be good. Indie doesn´t give them a carte blanche to be boringly bad.

The Brothers Bloom
A large helping of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, pinch of Danny Ocean, tad of the Pink Panther and a sprinkling of Hercule Poirot. Rachel Weisz, Adrian Brody, Mark Ruffalo star. All great actors. So - out of the eight trailers I endured - this is a definite "hell, yeah."

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